


Like An Umlaut In English

by liveyourtemptation



Series: calling yourself everything but the light [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Bullshit, M/M, angst turning into fluff, vague supernatural sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 04:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8953657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveyourtemptation/pseuds/liveyourtemptation
Summary: “I don't hate you,” Cisco says.
“Good,” Harry says and kisses him. “I don't hate you, too.”





	

_I can do this alone/but we can do this so much better/together_

_show me your love/before the world catches up_

_I am friend to the undertow/i take you in/i don't let go/and now I have you_

 

 

Theory is radical. This is something Cisco learned at university but he's not sure if he believes it. In the end theory stays something abstract if you never take action. So if in theory Harry likes him, so if in theory he likes Harry. Even if you take this as a given. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are going to act on that theory. Cisco thought almost dying a couple of times would have make him bold, would have make him take what he knows could be his.

 

Instead it made him hesitant.

 

He doesn't talk about what happened on Earth-3. He wishes he could forget, even if some of the people he met there almost became friends. After that other dimension had reluctantly released him from its grip his own universe seems jealous, acting up, a strange atmosphere prickling on his skin, a smell like chloroform in the air. Some days the static is all he hears. Cisco notes it with a heavy heart. No matter how heartfelt the welcome from his friends was, he isn't sure if this universe doesn't want him anymore or if he doesn't want this universe.

 

It would be wrong to say Cisco isn't happy. There is just a certain lightness in his core where something used to be and now that it's gone nothing seems real. Not his work with Team Flash, not his own feelings, not feelings other people might have for him. He sees it all from a distance, watches himself like through a camera and maybe the lens is distorted but he doesn't know how to change it.

 

But life goes on like always, making it hard not to settle somehow, like a bus driver who doesn't wait until you're seated, and if you're still standing when he starts driving, well it's your fault that the contents of your bag are spilling all over the floor.

 

So Cisco takes it one day at a time and doesn't make plans and has dreams like a stabbing, a sharp cut and twist. He tries to act normal, goes to work, goes to bars and the movies with his friends, he eats three times a day, and tries to drink something else than coffee, he doesn't startle when Harry lays a hand on his shoulder and sways only a little, torn between leaning into it and shaking it off. Caitlin and Barry just assume that they are in a relationship, like Harry's parents had assumed, and of course if Barry thinks he knows something it's not long until Iris knows, and that means it's not long until everyone knows. Cisco had liked the rapid news circle in their friend group until he himself had become the object of it. He knows they mean no harm but it annoys him. If he is honest with himself it annoys him that everyone seems to think it's so easy. Neither Harry or Cisco ever clarify the situation, Cisco because talking about it would mean thinking about it and that just ties his brains into knots lately. Who knows what Harry is thinking. Cisco doesn't, and honestly he is scared to know.

 

The only one who knows what's really going on, or let's say not going on, is Jesse and she alternates between being weirdly amused and highly annoyed by it. She often looks like she can't decide who she wants to kick in the ass more, Cisco or her father, but she hardly says anything, simply rolls her eyes and leaves them to sort out their mess on their own.

 

(They haven't kissed since Cisco came back or done something crazy but kind of appropriate like went on a date, and Cisco wants it but doesn't know how he should ask, mostly doesn't even have the energy for it. It's not his first dance and he knows what _should_ come next but with Harry the rules have never applied. Cisco's fucking lost.)

 

So instead Cisco lures Jesse out of STAR Labs with promises of ice cream and adventures. The summer is going into its final round, roaring august heat outside and they sit in the shadows of trees and watch Central City's population melt into the asphalt of the streets. Jesse is still hesitant to open up to the others but she clings to Cisco and he is the only one who can persuade her to go outside, to do anything, to start living her life again.

 

Cisco shows Jesse his Central City. He has always loved the city even if it took the best years of his life. Everyone always thinks of Central City as the happy little sister of Starling City but Cisco will tell everyone who wants to listen that his hometown got its dark corners as well, not just since metahuman criminals started to crawl through the shadows. There are no slums like the Glades but there are deserted industrial areas on the edge of town and an intricate web of sewer tunnels where subculture blooms: raves, black markets, gangs. Nothing that fits the clean image of Central City. Cisco has only moved on the periphery of those circles before he left high school, leaving behind the crowd he used to hang out with that in the words of his mother _only ever got him in trouble_. But he still got a certain fondness, not for the darkness in those corners of towns but maybe for the dirt, that they don't pretend to be something better than they are.

 

He doesn't take Jesse anywhere where it is actually dangerous but away from the high streets and the glamor to the parts of town that aren't gentrified. He is old enough now to look at the places of his youth with a certain fondness even if the memories he made there are mostly of the bad kind. He walks with Jesse down a street and points to corners ( _There I got my heart broken for the first time._ ) and alleys ( _There I was beaten up by school bullies._ ) and Jesse giggles and it smooths something out inside of him to fit his past into a narrative that he can tell with a kind of ironic detachment to make Jesse smile again. It makes him find peace with it, maybe just a little bit but he'll take every scrap of peace he can get his hands on nowadays. So he talks and Jesse laughs and that's enough for now.

 

Most of the time it's just the two of them but Harry joins them once on a trip to the National Science Museum, and it's mostly Jesse pointing out mistakes on the info panels and Harry looking at her with that adoring annoyance that makes Cisco's heart feel too big for his chest. They have a real conversation in the long cold corridors between bones and star rocks, not work talk, nothing awful important but a light trickle of words that just seems to come, floating up above their heads and it's easy and carefree and it's even easier to take Harry's hand when they're watching a movie about ancient civilizations in a dark show room. Cisco can see Harry's face illuminated by the movie screen and he is smiling. And for a second Cisco wants everything.

 

After that Cisco tells Caitlin, again, that he is not dating Harry and that he doesn't know if he wants to. It seems so logical, so right, when he says it then. _Even after Earth-2, after everything_ , Caitlin asks. _I don't think I'm ready for a relationship_ , Cisco says. Caitlin laughs at him. _You're never ready for it, idiot._ Cisco stays silent. _Why_ , Caitlin asks. Cisco doesn't tell her.

 

Cisco doesn't tell her that ever since he has been training his abilities he feels the power coursing through his veins, the energy just underneath his fingertips and maybe he got more control over it now, but control also means being aware of it, constantly, aware of what he did and what he is capable of doing. He feels different from his old self and from his friends. Cisco is no stranger to feeling alien. It feels like being the unmusical son, it feels like wanting to kiss that boy in his class, it feels like coming into a room of scientist and they have that look that says, _really you?_ _You with your dark skin and young eyes, with your jokes and sweets, really you want to work with us?_ His whole life Cisco has been screaming and kicking to be recognized, to be seen as worthy even if he is different, and he had never apologized for it, no matter how dirty it made him feel, no matter how much he hated himself for it. He wasn't gonna give _them_ the satisfaction of knowing that.

 

But this is worse because this time he is not only an outsider but truly alone with this thing. And he has done things he is not proud of to put it mildly and no matter how hard he tries in his mind the good never outweighs the bad.

 

To tell the truth: He doesn't feel worth being loved anymore. And he is scared to the bones of the look in Harry's eyes and that Cisco could bring the whole house down with just a thought and of Harry finding out who he really is inside and not wanting him anymore (the motions of rejection ingrained in his brain).

 

And he runs until his lungs hurt and are screaming for air. He takes a bath and submerges his head under water and counts. He stares at knives. Bad habits are like honey: they stick.

 

So he stays away from Harry and doesn't talk about what happened on Earth-3. He doesn't use his powers. Until he has no choice.

 

He is running through a street and is majorly annoyed. He was only supposed to make the tech and drive the car and now a flying meta is throwing lava at him. This is not how he imagined his Sunday afternoon going. Barry is God knows where and Caitlin and Harry are at STAR Labs shouting into the comms. So he is on his own, and he asks himself how long he can hold up his vow not to use his powers again. He crouches behind a car and turns to look for the meta. Then he sees the child, a small boy with dark tousled hair who wandered off from his mom. He walks right in the line between Cisco and the meta. The meta who is already preparing to fire of another shot at Cisco.

 

There is no time for thinking. He pushes the boy behind himself and throws a blast of energy at the meta who falters and lands on the asphalt with a loud thud and a painful crack. The people on the street are slowly catching on to what is happening and start screaming and running around. Cisco waits until the mother has collected her boy, tearing him away from Cisco with a concerned look before he wanders over to the meta. It's a girl, barely younger than himself and she looks up at him with defiance. She probably broke every bone in her body. He kneels down next to her and pats her head. She only hisses in response but is in too much pain to do anything else.

 

“How did you do that?” Barry asks next to him. Cisco looks up at him, brave bold Barry in his red suit and there is something in the eyes of his friend and Cisco knows that he is thinking about how Reverb had tossed him through the air as if it was nothing. Cisco could do that to Barry. He would stand no chance.

 

When they're back at STAR Labs and Caitlin has treated the meta girl strapped on a stretcher in the med bay they have something no one but Cisco wants to call an intervention. Why didn't he tell them. How did he learn that? How does he feel about it? The last one is the worst question and it comes from Barry and Cisco wants to hug and punch him for it at the same time. He doesn't tell them the truth of course. He has been lying his whole life about his emotional well-being, why stop now? He says, he is fine. He still doesn't talk about Earth-3.

 

Then Barry asks him why he didn't use his powers earlier. There is just the barest amount of accusation in that question. Why didn't Cisco use his powers last week for example, when Barry had been beaten to a pulp by a meta? It had taken Barry two days to heal. (And of course he had been very annoying the whole time.)

 

“I don't wanna use them,” Cisco says. “I knew you were going to win.”

 

“What if I didn't?”

 

“Then I would have done something about it probably. I don't know man, you never needed my help before. I mean you never needed me out there.”

 

Barry looks at him like he wants to find out if he's really that stupid or just acting that way. “It's not about me needing your help. I thought you wanted to help people?”

 

“And that's what I'm doing from right here. Like I've always done.” Cisco is getting angry. Barry doesn't get to act like what Cisco has done without his powers means nothing. That would mean that Caitlin's help, Harry's help means nothing, too. “We don't have to wear costumes to help people, you know that, right?”

 

“I-,” Barry sighs frustrated. “I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do. I just want to understand.”

 

And it occurs to Cisco that sweet simple Barry might not comprehend that with power does not only come the responsibility to use it but to use it right which sometimes means not at all. Barry who ran back in time so many times because he thought this time it would be different, this time it was going to get better. Barry who says that getting his powers was the best thing to happen in his life. This Barry might simply not understand why Cisco wouldn't put on a mask and turn the universe upside down. And he doesn't know how to explain this to Barry, doesn't know how to do it without revealing the fragile construction that is his current state.

 

“I just think these abilities are given to us for a reason,” Barry adds when Cisco doesn't answer.

 

“Or maybe it's just our version of Murphy's law,” Cisco says. “Every fucked-up thing that can happen will happen.”

 

This evening he meets with Lisa because he doesn't want to see the others, and the questions in their eyes and the worry on their lips. Lisa never worries about him, she trusts that he can take care of himself just like she can take care of herself. They're grown-ups after all. They're in some dive bar where the music is loud and the beer good and cheap. Lisa laughs at his jokes and for once everything is easy. She tells him about their latest heist and Cisco only pretends for a minute to be outraged, honestly he couldn't care less if some museum is missing some jewels it stole in the first place. He tells her about her Earth-3 counterpart and she laughs until she almost falls of the chair.

 

When it's late and the bar has emptied and Lisa has a hand on his thigh he asks her if she has ever killed someone. Her eyes glimmer in the low light of the bar. _Sure_ , she answers. _He didn't even have a knife, that rookie. He tried to get under my skirt in a dark alley._ Cisco shivers. _How do you cope with that? Very well_ , she answers. _Asshole got what he deserved._ She looks at him for a while than adds, _people like you and I, we kill to survive. I don't know if that makes it alright. But when it's either me or them I'm always gonna save myself._

 

There is not much else to say. When they part she kisses him on the cheek. _I've heard you're not flying solo anymore_ , she says. _What a shame._ He shakes his head. _Who did you hear that from?_ She grins cheekily. _Group chat with Iris and Linda. Bye bye, Cisco._

 

The same week Jesse reminds him of his promise to watch Star Trek with her. Harry and Jesse actually rented an apartment and are not living in STAR Labs anymore. So Cisco finds himself climbing up the stairs to the Wells' new home on a Friday night with a bag of popcorn and seasons 1 to 3 of the original Star Trek. All the love for Chris Pine but you gotta start with the classics.

 

Harry opens the door and Cisco asks himself when it got this awkward between them. On Earth-2 everything seemed so right. Maybe it's his fault. Harry lets him in.

 

“I'm not here for you,” Cisco says. _Wow, very elegant, Ramon._

 

“I know,” Harry says sounding disinterested like he used to in the beginning. “Jesse told me about your plans. Her room is there.” He points down the corridor and is about to turn away but Cisco catches his wrist. Usually Cisco is all for whirlwind romances and this thing between Harry and him could go very fast but it feels like someone is putting on the brakes and Cisco is not sure he minds so much. He doesn't know what he wants to say but he can't let Harry leave like that.

 

“I'll watch it with you another time.”

 

Harry's face softens. “I don't want to watch your stupid TV shows.”

 

“We can watch something else, anything you want,” Cisco babbles because he feels like he has to make up for something.

 

“You know what I want,” Harry says simply.

 

Cisco is speechless, a shiver running down his spine.

 

Then Jesse opens the door to her room and pops her head out.

 

“Cisco? What's taking you so long?”

 

Cisco lets go of Harry's wrist and turns to her with a smile. “I'm on my way.” When he turns back around Harry is already gone. Cisco knows he fucked up.

 

They curl up in Jesse's bed together, blanket drawn tight around them, their fingers sticky from popcorn. Of course Jesse loves Star Trek. They watch the first season that night and at one point Jesse points at a scene between Kirk and Spock and says: “It's like you and dad.”

 

“Excuse me?” Cisco stutters.

 

“A reckless sunshine and a nerd with a stick up his ass who cannot get their shit together. Exactly like you two.” She sits up. “Don't lie to me, Cisco.”

 

“Okay,” Cisco says who is kind of flattered by that comparison.

 

“Do you love Harry?” Jesse asks. She is illuminated by the TV and on screen the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise stroll through an hilariously bad set. Cisco thinks that he'd rather be there with them on the search for alien life than answer that question. But he really cannot lie to Jesse, it's something about her that makes him tell the truth. He thinks it would break her heart if he would lie to her.

 

“I think, yes,” Cisco admits even though he never wanted to because this makes everything so much more complicated. If he wouldn't love Harry it would be so easy to stay away from him, to forget him or maybe if Cisco wouldn't love him he wouldn't be so scared of opening up to Harry.

 

“So where is the problem?” Jesse asks.

 

“It's not that simple.”

 

“Yeah, it kinda is.” Jesse throws popcorn at him. “I want to shake you and yell at you but that probably doesn't help.”

 

“I guess I'm just scared to fuck it up,” Cisco summarizes his problems and that's really what it comes down to, even with superhero powers and dimension travel his fear is so common it almost calms Cisco down. Though fucking it up might mean accidentally killing Harry in Cisco's case.

 

Jesse puts her hands on his shoulder but refrains from shaking him instead just looks very serious. “If you break his heart I'm gonna- I don't know. Just, why would you do that? So you're scared. Guess what, we're all scared of so many things. I was scared of going outside and you told me, that I shouldn't let my fear keep me from being happy. Take your own advice, god fucking damnit!”

 

Cisco feels like crying and he hugs Jesse so she doesn't see it. On the TV behind them the Enterprise goes into Warp speed and Cisco thinks that it looks like what it feels to be swept away by Barry, he thinks about Jesse just wanting the two people closest to her to be happy. He thinks about Harry just down the hallway. He thinks about an abyss and about the jump.

 

That night Cisco dreams about a flood rushing in and taking him away.

 

At work no one mentions Cisco's powers again, not even Barry. Sometimes Cisco thinks that he should explain himself but he never does. He had always been particularly good at self-destruction. But Jesse's words stick with him and so many times he is short of throwing all his stupid reasoning in the trash and just go all the way with Harry. But something always holds him back.

 

In the end it takes drastic measures for Cisco to give in. Harry and him are fussing about some detail of Barry's suit and they're bickering like nothing has happened, throwing insults and markers at each other and it makes Cisco feel unguarded, it makes his blood rush, his heart jump gleefully.

 

Cisco makes a particularly clever suggestion that would solve all of their problems that have been causing them headaches the whole day and Harry looks at him wide-eyed and says:

 

“I love you.”

 

“Oh, fuck off,” Cisco answers instinctively but Harry looks too caught of guard for it to be meant as a provocation. Harry looks surprised by himself. He looks scared. And he doesn't brush it off, let's it linger between them until it gets uncomfortable and Cisco thinks, fucking Harry Wells. And he thinks that he cannot keep Harry an arm length away, not when Harry just said the truth, not when this is all Cisco never knew he wanted.

 

“Dinner tonight?” Cisco mumbles and looks down, feeling his face heat up.

 

“Oh god, yes, please,” Harry answers and it sounds like _finally_ , and Cisco thinks, finally.

 

Cisco barely notices the restaurant or what he is eating, he is talking way too much but Harry doesn't seem to mind, only hides a smile behind his hands and nods at the right moments. Cisco wants to reach over and rip those stupid glasses from his face, he wants Harry like he never wanted someone before and he doesn't know why he waited so long.

 

Harry shoots him a look and Cisco realizes he stopped talking mid-sentence and is just starring at Harry now.

 

“Let's pay,” Cisco says.

 

Harry rolls his eyes but waves the waiter over. Out on the street Harry puts his arm around Cisco and they walk in silence. The night is warm and Cisco almost doesn't hear the cicadas over his heart beating in his ears. They end up in front of Cisco's apartment building.

 

“So what's your first date policy,” Harry asks.

 

“Usually, I'm a 'good night kiss only' kinda guy,” Cisco says. “But this is not really usual, right?”

 

“No, it's not,” Harry says with a low voice. Cisco shivers. He takes Harry's hand and leads him to the door. The elevator ride seems endless. Harry is pressed close to him and Cisco thinks he might do something inappropriate in this elevator any second now, already half-hard in his jeans. He can feel Harry's breath ghost over his temple and then Harry lets his hand run down Cisco's back until it settles on the small of his back. Fuck, Cisco thinks and closes his eyes. There is a ding and they're finally at the right floor.

 

It's just a few steps and then they're through Cisco's apartment door. Harry pushes him gently against the next best wall to kiss him. Cisco responds enthusiastic. Fuck, he really should have been doing this sooner. Cisco opens his mouth for Harry and moans and pushes his whole body against him and it feels obscene but he cannot help himself. Harry pushes back, pressing one leg between his legs. He licks over Cisco's lips and then in his mouth and Cisco holds onto him because it feels like falling, and he needs Harry to push harder, to hold him, to ground him.

 

He hooks one arm around Harry's neck and uses the other to push under Harry's shirt while he tries to toe off his shoes at the same time. It ends in both of them almost falling to the ground and Harry laughs quietly next to his ear. They separate long enough to get shoes and jackets off then Cisco pulls Harry to the bedroom. Harry's hair looks even more ruffled than usual and knowing that he did that, makes Cisco feel like ten emotions at once. He stops in front of the bed and strips out of his shirt with a suggestive look to Harry. Harry does the same and throws his shirt at Cisco. Then he pushes Cisco down on the bed, abandoning his glasses on the night stand, kissing him again with one hand settled firmly on his chest over his heart. Cisco thinks that he must feel it beating, hammering under his hand. Cisco thinks there is nothing much better than to have Harry Wells climb on top of him. He grinds up to get some friction but Harry is holding his hip down with his other hand so Cisco growls at him, biting his lip and it must be just this side of painful because Harry hisses but presses closer, leaving a trail of kisses down Cisco neck.

 

Cisco throws his head back and lets out a sound that he would be embarrassed about if he would care about anything in this moment. There is just him and Harry, and Harry's lips on his skin. And he feels drunk on it, his head hazy and his skin tingling. It feels like a fever and he has never felt like this before and he realizes why when the sensation crosses the line to worryingly intense.

 

“Stop,” Cisco gasps and pushes weakly at Harry who looks up to him. Cisco feels like he is experiencing the arousal of two person because he is, the wall he carefully build around himself to hold strangers' feelings out lying in shambles. It feels like a fire burning Cisco up from the inside, it's so much Cisco fears he might black out any second.

 

“You alright?” Harry asks the worry palpable in his voice.

 

“Too much,” Cisco groans. “I can't- just stop.”

 

Harry must understand what's going on because he gets up without any questions. Having a supernatural freak-out actually does a really great job at killing the mood and Cisco can think straight again after just a few seconds. Harry is running his hands over his face standing next to the bed.

 

“Is there something I can do?” He asks.

 

“I don't know,” Cisco says and sits up. The knot of anxiety is back in his guts and his head feels like someone took a hammer to it. “Uh, a glass of water would be nice actually.”

 

In the time it takes Harry to get the water Cisco's mind turns into a loop of congratulations on how he managed to fuck it up this time. But Harry still sits down on his bedside and hands him the glass. Cisco takes it without looking him in the eyes. _Great job, Ramon. First you let him wait forever and then you almost black out during making out. Amazing. Harry probably never wants to see you again-_

 

There is a hand pushing back a strand of hair behind his ear. Cisco looks up and sees Harry looking at him with a faint smile. Cisco thinks that dying would be kinder. Harry settles his hand on Cisco's shoulder and it's oddly calming.

 

“What happened?” Harry asks. “Was it something I did?”

 

“No, no,” Cisco hurries to say. “It's me and my fucked up shit.”

 

“You're not fucked up, Cisco,” Harry says and Cisco wonders again where Harry got that opinion of him. When did Harry go from almost hitting him with wrenches and laughing at him to this? When was the point he changed his mind about Cisco?

 

“I'm sorry,” Cisco says and he is, for fucking up the date, for not giving Harry what he wants, for being a disappointment. “Can you please leave?”

 

Harry gets up and shuffles around the room, putting on his clothes. Before he leaves he lingers in the door and comes back to Cisco one more time. He carefully holds out his hand as if Cisco is a shy animal. Cisco hugs him from where he sits on the bed, pressing his face in Harry's stomach now covered again in a shirt. Harry strokes his head and then bends down to press a kiss to his forehead. Cisco doesn't know how he deserves this.

 

He holds it together until he hears the door shut. Then he cries until he falls asleep.

 

The next day Iris finds Cisco under a table in his workshop. He is not proud about how he ended up down here, but the world is shaking and bending around him today and it felt like a good idea at some point to hide under a table. Iris kneels down and looks at him with a mix of confusion and worry.

 

“I'm not going to ask,” She finally says.

 

“Thank you,” Cisco says still clinging to one leg of the table for support.

 

Iris sighs and starts rummaging through her purse. She pulls out a key and hands it to him.

 

“You look like you need a break,” She says and there is no place for protest in her voice. “This is a key for a house at the sea and you're going to drive their and just chill for some time. I'll text you the location.”

 

“Can I ask whose house it is?” Cisco asks and looks at the key in his hand.

 

“It's Eddie's,” Iris says. “He left it to me because he didn't have any family, but I've never actually been there.”

 

“And you want me to go?” Cisco asks.

 

“Sure,” She says and smiles. “Sometimes it's the best to just disappear for a while. You know, to sort things out.”

 

Cisco lets himself be dragged out from under the table and be pulled into a hug. He smiles into Iris' hair and breathes in. This might be what he needs.

 

 

 

 

 

Cisco leaves them a note.

 

_I'm on vacation. Don't call me._

 

There is no date on it when he will return and it is like a slap in the face for Harry. He just got Cisco back and this feels like losing him all over again. Not that the last weeks had been all sunshine and flowers but that is what was to be expected. Harry knew that it was not going to be easy to make it work between them. They both have been through too much for that. But Harry really had not mind taking it slow, Cisco is worth it after all. He would wait for him over and over again.

 

So Harry waits. He does not participate in the worried conversations Barry and Caitlin like to have about their friend instead of working. They throw him glances as if he could explain Cisco's behavior but he cannot because if they do not get it how should he make them understand. He hardly understands it himself but he has seen the fear in Cisco's eyes when his powers got the best of him yet again. He knows that Cisco is terrified of himself and that is the worst thing to happen to a person.

 

He is scared that Jesse will take Cisco's leaving badly. Cisco had after all become something of a safety net for her, and Harry really does not want to think about the weird relations between the three of them too much but it makes his heart do funny things when he sees the way Cisco makes Jesse's eyes light up again. To his surprise Jesse does not seem to mind Cisco's absence so much. She shrugs as an answer to Harry's questions and says that Cisco had already given her so much and that he deserves the rest. Harry agrees. Jesse looks at him like he is an idiot. Harry agrees.

 

They are making chili and it has been a week since Cisco has left. Jesse cuts peppers and onions silently, the rice cooking on the stove. They are listening to Earth-1 music, both appreciating the different ways history has taken in this world. They regularly surprise each other with new music and Harry is happy that he still has that connection with his daughter. Through the open window the usual chatter of a summer evening drifts in, people barbequing outside, a mix of voices, music and TV's coming through open windows. It is a beautiful evening yet all Harry can think about is how much better it would be if Cisco would be here to share it. He is a fucking fool and he knows it. He lets out a sigh and bends over the kitchen counter to drop his face in his hands.

 

“Oh my god, dad,” Jesse says. “Quit being dramatic and just go to him, please.”

 

“You were the one who said he deserves a break.” Harry does not even ask how she knows that this is about Cisco.

 

“Yeah, from me and other annoying team mates.” She slaps him over the head with her palm. “You should hurry up and lock that shit down before he finds someone younger.”

 

“Jesse,” Harry says but his protest is weak.

 

“What are you waiting for?” Jesse adds and pours an obscene amount of chili into the pan. “You're not going to get prettier.”

 

“Who raised you?” Harry sighs.

 

Jesse smiles patiently and says slowly as if talking to a child: “Dad, I swear to god if you don't drive up there tomorrow, I will do that and snatch him right from under your fingers. If I have to give up that amazing guy to my dad he should appreciate it and not fret in my kitchen.”

 

“It's not your kitchen,” Harry says because he has to say something, cannot actually lose an argument to his daughter.

 

She shoves a spatula against his chest and Harry raises his hands. “Okay, okay, I'll do it.”

 

Jesse seems to be appeased and they can enjoy dinner. Harry is not sure if it is a good idea to follow Cisco when he stated explicitly that he does not want to be called. But Jesse is right, he has to try even if Cisco just sends him away again.

 

The next day he asks Iris for the address of the house. (She had told them reluctantly that Cisco is staying there.) She rolls her eyes at Harry's careful request and says, _I thought you'd never ask_. He packs and gets into a car. Jesse is waving in the rear view mirror when he pulls away from STAR Labs and Harry thinks that it should be the other way around but their family had never been anything close to normal.

 

The drive is a couple of hours long and he spends them making himself crazy with worry and he is about to turn around three times. But he keeps on driving motivated mostly by the thought that even to see Cisco for a couple of minutes would be worth it. He thinks about Cisco sitting alone in a house just surrounded by the things of a dead man and his own thoughts. It is an awful image and it makes Harry ache and it makes him angry, too, that Cisco never asks for help as if it would annoy Harry, as if it would be a burden.

 

The house is semi-old so it looks pretty but not like the wind roaring over the coast would sneak through thousands cracks. When Harry gets out of the car he can smell the sea though he can't see it. The house stands almost alone, the next house a dark spot in the distant. As Harry comes closer he can see the sandy beach behind it with dunes and thin long grass. His heart is beating against his ribs and he fiddles with the strap on his bag.

 

Cisco opens the door as Harry reaches the porch. Of course he noticed, it does not look like there are so many cars driving down this road. Cisco looks good, Harry decides, hair up in a bun and more color in his face like he has actually slept the last nights. Oh, this is awkward, Harry thinks. He is suddenly painfully speechless and he feels like he is twenty again and in love for the first time.

 

But Cisco only sighs and rolls his eyes and waves him inside. All the anxiety leaves Harry and he follows Cisco inside the house. It is all white walls and creaky floorboards and family pictures of strangers. Harry tries to imagine the week that Cisco has spent here and he stares through the large windows in the living room, seeing the sea now.

 

Cisco turns to him, just a few feet away, an uncertainty lingering around him like he does not know what to do with Harry intruding into his solitude like this.

 

“You look good,” Harry says.

 

“What do you want here?” Cisco asks back but cannot quite hide a smile.

 

“That you even have to ask.”

 

Cisco does not reply, just looks down on his hands.

 

“You don't have to do this on your own, Cisco,” Harry tries again. “I'm here for you in any way you want, if you want me.”

 

“I never thought you were the guy for grand confessions,” Cisco says. “I'm rethinking my whole concept of you.” It is meant to be sarcastic but there is something else swinging in Cisco's voice, raw and vulnerable. “But I guess that's what I signed up for.”

 

Harry walks over to him and wraps his arms around him.

 

“I love grand confessions,” Harry whispers into Cisco's hair.

 

Cisco hugs him back, sliding his hands over Harry's back and pulling him even closer. Harry looks over Cisco's shoulder out of the window and watches seagulls glide through the air, circling around over the beach and hears their cries muffled by the closed windows. After what seems like an eternity Cisco whispers, _stay_.

 

So Harry does. They cook spaghetti for dinner and Cisco introduces him to the varied collection of red wine he has found in one of the kitchen cabinets. They sit at a small table by a window looking out on the beach. Conversation flows slow and easy and in his head Harry vows to buy Jesse whatever she wants for her birthday.

 

Cisco talks animatedly but Harry is only following with half an ear. There is some tomato sauce in the corner of Cisco's mouth and Harry leans over to lick it away. Cisco melts against him and follows up with a kiss. He tastes like salt and alcohol and home.

 

When the sun has set Cisco guides Harry to the bedroom even though Harry suggest he could take the couch. Cisco just takes his hand and pulls him down the corridor. The wine has gotten to Harry's head and he feels warm in all the right places but that might also be because of Cisco's small smiles, almost shy that seem to be reserved for Harry. They strip down to their underwear and crawl under the blankets. It is not so much sexual tension but rather slow intimacy. Harry lets his hand glide up from Cisco's waist over his ribs until it settles right under his shoulder blade. Cisco shivers and presses light kisses to Harry's face, his mouth, his cheeks, his nose, his eyebrows. They fall asleep like that, wrapped up around each other and it feels familiar and safe.

 

The next morning comes with Cisco looking at him with furrowed brows.

 

“I thought you'd be just a dream and gone by now.”

 

He gets up and leaves. Harry throws a pillow after him and yelling: “I'm very real, thank you very much.”

 

Cisco comes back with coffee after ten minutes and grins at him.

 

“Don't get me wrong. I'm happy you're here.”

 

Harry makes a noncommittal noise and takes the cup of coffee. Cisco opens a window, the white curtains sway in the breeze and Harry can hear the waves rolling on the beach. He sits up and leans against the headboard to watch Cisco looking out of the window, his body a sharp contour in front of the morning sun. Who would have believed Harry's future held this: waking up with a beautiful man in a room with a view on the beach. After Tess he had thought that no one else would want him. Or that he would not want anyone else. But now there is Cisco accidentally spilling hot coffee over himself and cursing loudly and Harry cannot believe how lucky he is.

 

“So what do you do here all day?” Harry asks. He puts his mug aside and reaches over to pull Cisco to the bed. Cisco still has a pain-stricken expression on his face but does not object to Harry licking the coffee from his belly.

 

“Uh, I read a lot. And I meditate.”

 

“You meditate?” Harry looks up at him.

 

“Yes,” Cisco answers and pushes Harry away. “It helps. With the whole control thing.”

 

“Good,” Harry says.

 

“Yeah, good,” Cisco says. “Get dressed. We're doing a walk on the beach.”

 

The air is cool and fresh, the sun steadily climbing up the sky. Harry kneels down to put a hand in the water, it is not too cold to swim, not yet, though the summer is reaching its end. Cisco leans on his shoulders and pretends to push him into the water. Harry twist and pulls until only his hand is holding Cisco above the water. The next wave comes with more force and their shoes get soaked through.

 

“Your fault,” Cisco says and punches him on the arm.

 

Harry picks him up and carries him over his shoulder until Cisco can wiggle free and they both tumble down into the sand. Harry rolls over Cisco and pins his wrists to the ground. Cisco just grins at him. _Fucking bastard_ , Harry thinks. Cisco makes him want to be mean, makes him want to push just a bit harder even though he knows it is exactly what Cisco wants. But he does not mind. He pulls away before Cisco can kiss him.

 

He gets up and dusts off the sand from his clothes. Cisco is still lying on the ground and puts one arm under his head. Harry thinks about walking into the sea until he is gone. He looks over the surface of the water and thinks about his life, about his plans for the future. His world has been turned upside down in the last year and it left him here on the shore of this strange world. It is not the worst place to be.

 

Cisco gets up and elbows him in the side. “I've got an idea.”

 

Oh no, Harry thinks.

 

“Oh no,” Harry says.

 

“Let's go swimming.” Cisco is out of his clothes before Harry can process the sentence. He tries not to stare too much but he cannot help himself and Cisco is doing this on purpose anyway. The beach is empty so Harry reluctantly peels out of his clothes, too. Cisco is already jumping through the waves, shrieking excitedly.

 

Harry dives into the water. When he comes up again he tastes salt on his lips. Then Cisco is there and pushes his head underwater. It makes Harry's competitive streak appear and he is not satisfied until Cisco is gasping for air and begging Harry to stop. He drifts away from Cisco and watches him, submerged right up to his eyes.

 

“You look like a creepy ass crocodile,” Cisco says and halfheartedly splashes some water in his direction. “You're sure you're not actually an older brother? You play the part scarily well.”

 

A wave pushes Harry to Cisco again and Harry pulls him closer by the waist. It is skin on skin and his lips are cold under Harry's. Cisco kisses back with fervor and Harry never felt so alone yet not lonely than on this deserted beach with Cisco. The water is too cold for anything to happen though Cisco tries hard, wrapping his legs around Harry's waist and moaning loudly next to Harry's ear.

 

It was a great idea to go swimming without actually bringing towels so they have to get back into their clothes soaking wet and when they reach the house again they are both shaking from the biting cold wind.

 

“We should take a warm shower,” Cisco says.

 

“I've got a better idea,” Harry says and pushes him down on the bed. Cisco agrees. His hair is a wet tangled mess and Harry realizes how long it has gotten over the summer when Cisco bends down over him to kiss him. It frames Harry's face like a curtain.

 

The second thing Harry realizes that Cisco is really bossy in bed but honestly he already knew that. He shoves Harry until he got him right where he wants him and Harry complies because (and he would never admit this aloud) it is fucking hot. As a revenge he leaves marks all the way down Cisco's neck, licking and sucking at the skin until it stays red. Cisco's skin tastes like salt water.

 

Harry follows Cisco's pace, not wanting to repeat the disaster from last time but Cisco seems to be sure of himself, steadily leading them until they are naked again. Harry points at his bag and Cisco laughs under his breath when he gets condoms and lube. There is still half a thought in the back of Harry's mind to stop and ask if it is alright but Cisco climbs on top of him and then every thought is gone.

 

Harry never believed in god, not since he had his first science class in school but his parents had still dragged him to church and he had heard a lot of stories about angels. And now looking up at Cisco moving almost absent-minded, his hair cascading down his shoulders, is like having a revelation, as if an angel came down to earth: holy and terrifying. All Harry can do is grip Cisco's thighs and hold on.

 

After they almost drift off to sleep until Harry murmurs, _are you gonna stop being complicated now?_ And Cisco groans.

 

“I'm not complicated,” Cisco complains.

 

Harry hums in disagreement and does not even dodge the slap on his stomach. He opts for tracing circles on Cisco's skin.

 

“I'm not complicated,” Cisco repeats. “I'm just not sure what you see in me? Like?” He throws up his hands. “Moving this into serious territory is just- I don't know. Did you think about it?”

 

“Yeah, I did,” Harry says. “Seems like a good idea.”

 

Cisco covers his face with his hands and Harry thinks, _oh my, this is going to get complicated._ He flops on his stomach and pushes a pillow under his chin.

 

“It's just- If you'd know what I have done you'd probably change your mind,” Cisco says and throws Harry a look that breaks his heart a bit. “And I wouldn't even blame you.”

 

“Alright, let's put my hypothetical feelings aside for a minute,” Harry says. “You would want that, too, right? A relationship?”

 

“I mean-” Cisco wriggles in the sheets and groans. “Ugh, you're gonna make me say something, right?”

 

“I know you young people hate clear statements, but they do help with the communication.”

 

“That's not fair,” Cisco says but he smiles. “You don't get to play the age card.”

 

Harry just waits and says nothing and for the second Cisco hesitates there is a surge of panic in his gut that he is wrong, that he has been reading the situation all wrong.

 

“Yeah, I liked that,” Cisco says.

 

“Good,” Harry says. “Now tell me the thing.”

 

“What thing?”

 

“The thing that's been eating you up alive. I'm not completely stupid, Cisco.”

 

“I'm scared that you'll hate me if I tell you.“ And Cisco says it so flatly it catches Harry off guard. He had expected tears or denial but not detachment. He makes a decision in that moment.

 

„Okay. So I'll tell you something you are going to hate me for and then you won't care anymore if I hate you.“

 

Cisco furrows his brows and strokes his hand down Harry's back.

 

„It's so nice right now. Do we have to do this? Can't we just like- not talk about it?“

 

Harry looks at him pointedly and Cisco sighs and gives in.

 

“You go first,” He points at Harry.

 

“Alright,” Harry says and he knows this might actually be the turning point. “I killed Turtle.”

 

“You killed a turtle? What the fu-”

 

“The metahuman. Zoom still had Jesse and he told me to make Barry stronger. And then you came along, fucking up my plans like always, with the idea to slow Zoom down with Turtle's powers. I couldn't let you do that, I still thought my only choice to get Jesse back was to work with Zoom. So I killed him.”

 

Cisco stays silent for a minute obviously thinking about what he had heard and Harry thinks that he will get up any minute now and leave him. When Cisco turns back to him he looks pale.

 

“You're unbelievable, Harry,” He says and Harry cannot pin down if this is good or bad. “I want to confess to you that I killed someone on accident and you go on and one up me.”

 

Harry feels like laughing though he knows he should not. Cisco sighs and rubs his eyes.

 

“I knew you'd go far for Jesse, but that's fucked up, Harry,” Cisco says. “Just for your information.”

 

“I know,” Harry says. “Your turn.”

 

And Cisco tells him. He starts with his arrival in the strange world after Zoom got destroyed and with who he encountered there. There is a little fire starting in Harry's chest that he knows is jealousy and he tries to quench it because Cisco returned, after all he returned to him. Cisco tells him about training his powers and about the accident and the person that died through his powers. It pours out of Cisco after being kept in for so long and he sounds broken open and hurting. Cisco also tells him about the relationship between the other world's Thawne and Cisco.

 

“Did you fuck him?” Harry asks and it comes out more bitter than he intended. There was the fire in his chest again.

 

“I can't- Of course you're more worried about that than me actually killing someone.” Cisco seems to be somewhere between amusement and being genuinely upset.

 

“What do you want me to say?” Harry asks. “I'm really in no position to judge you.”

 

“I didn't fuck him,” Cisco snaps back. “He kissed me. I wasn't interested.”

 

“Did you at least pretend it was me?”

 

“He's too different from you.”

 

They just lie there for a while and Harry feels wounded but it is a clean cut that he knows will heal up without a scar. There is a slight drizzle knocking on the window and the seagulls are still crying outside. The world turns a bit further.

 

“I don't hate you,” Cisco says.

 

“Good,” Harry says and kisses him. “I don't hate you, too.”

 

It is a slow day. Harry tries to cook something but is appalled by the contents of the refrigerator. He drags Cisco to the store with him even if he complains that Harry is old enough to buy groceries on his own. Harry argues that he does not know the way to the store and realizes how lucky he is when Cisco does not call his bluff, just rolls his eyes and gets in the car. Fifteen minutes and a hand full of snarky directions later they arrive at the store and Cisco slaps the hat on Harry.

 

“One would think that we are far enough from Central City that I would not have to wear this stupid disguise.”

 

“I like the hat,” Cisco says and frowns. “You don't like the hat?”

 

Harry sighs and gets out of the car with the hat on. Inside the store Cisco laces their fingers together and pulls Harry along. He still got his sunglasses on and Harry can see himself reflected in them. Cisco grins at him and Harry reminds himself that they are here to buy groceries and he lets go of Cisco's shirt he had not realized he had clutched in his hand. When an old woman coughs loudly behind them he pulls Cisco to the vegetable section.

 

Somewhere in the back of Harry's mind there is a voice that is telling him that this is too good to be true, that he should not get used to it. But he shushes it. Even if this is going to end badly he does not care. He will take every second of it.

 

Back at the house Harry cooks while Cisco sits with his feet on the table and reads. It is one of those awful cliche science fiction books he has already read on their trip through Earth-2

 

“I don't understand how you can enjoy something with so much obviously wrong science in it,” Harry says.

 

“I'm not reading it for the science,” Cisco answers without looking up. “Anyway the whole point of sci-fi or utopia is to envision something that isn't possible yet that we can aspire to. So of course the science is wrong. But we as scientists can figure out how to do it right.”

 

“Are you still trying to build a hoverboard?” It is Cisco's favorite project, one that he has been very reluctant to reveal to Harry.

 

“Excuse me.” Now Cisco lets the book sink down and meets Harry's eyes. “I did build a hoverboard. It might have exploded under me but nonetheless it did fly.”

 

“For five seconds,” Harry says.

 

“Just a matter of time until we can use it.” Cisco waves Harry's argument away and returns to his book. “Anyway, you are one to talk, Mister My-particle–accelerator–accidentally-exploded.”

 

Harry thinks it is a sign for how far gone he is that he does not even get mad.

 

His phone rings and he sits down on the table and drops a hand on Cisco's feet to answer it. It is Caitlin.

 

“Hey, just wanted to check in.” The worry is palpable in her voice. Cisco looks over curiously.

 

“Hello, Caitlin. He's alright, if that's your question.”

 

“Oh, thank god.” There is a loud sigh on the other end. Harry offers the phone to Cisco who takes it tentatively.

 

“Hi, Cat. It's me.”

 

Harry watches the different emotions shift over Cisco's face while he talks to Caitlin. Cisco kicks him in the side and points to the pot making alarming noises on the stove. Harry leans over and kisses him on the forehead, enjoying the way it makes Cisco stumble over his words.

 

“No, yes, we're good.” Harry listens to Cisco while he returns his attention to the pots. “Uh, I don't- Kinda, I guess.” Harry throws a look over his shoulder and Cisco is grinning at him somewhere between embarrassed and happy.

 

And Harry could really get used to this. Sharing meals and breath, and the way Cisco feels pressed to him under the covers. He watches Cisco sleep in the pale light of the moon. He looks even younger then and Harry wonders where he is right now, if he is wandering through strange worlds where Harry cannot follow or if he still has dreamless sleep sometimes. He fits a hand around Cisco's wrist to catch his fluttering heartbeat. He leaves him dreaming ( _calm down_ ), stroking his hair out of his face ( _you're safe_ ).

 

The next day, and it is going to be the last day in this house, they are on the beach again. Cisco got his hair up in a bun to spite the wind. Harry gets hypnotized by the nape of his neck, walking behind him on the line where the dry sand meets the edge of potential waves. The sea is quiet today, just a faint noise over the rushing of the wind.

 

They do not talk. Now and then Cisco turns to look over his shoulder as if to check if Harry is still behind him. When they have walked for what feels like a tiny eternity Cisco stops dead in his tracks, turning to face Harry.

 

“I love you,” He says and the words are carried away by the wind. “Have actually for a while now, I think.”

 

Harry does not know what prompted Cisco to say it but he is not complaining. He crosses the distance left between them and kisses Cisco and says it back again and again until Cisco believes him.

 

When they get back to the house Harry sets up water to make tea and Cisco makes himself perfectly useless, managing to always be in the way. He laughs and giggles until Harry throws him over his shoulder and carries him to the bed.

 

Harry whispers words into Cisco's skin ( _You're beautiful_ ) undresses him carefully ( _I love you_ ) one piece at a time ( _I need you_ ) and kisses every stretch of his skin ( _Cisco_ ) until Cisco is trembling and begging him to just, please, now, yeah right there, please-

 

Cisco looks so beautiful sprawled out under him and Harry fucks him like there is no tomorrow. Cisco leaves scratch marks down his back and moans so loud Harry is happy they do not have neighbors here. It feels like there is electricity dancing between them. Harry thinks he sees sparks where his hands glide over Cisco's hips and Cisco throws his head back and yells and when he looks back at Harry his eyes are like white static.

 

“Don't stop,” Cisco gasps and Harry is not even thinking about it. It feels like holding down a bomb, like being torn away by a meteor. Cisco comes and Harry follows closely like two waves breaking on the same cliff.

 

“What was that?” Harry asks after he has caught his breath and the brown has returned to Cisco's eyes.

 

“Uh,” Cisco laughs like a weight has been lifted from his chest. “I'd describe it as _the wisdom of the universe flooding me_. I'm sorry if it freaked you out.”

 

“Don't worry,” Harry mumbles. “Freaky is kind of our thing.”

 

“Oh my god.” Cisco rolls on his side and pokes Harry in the cheek. “You're into it. Oh my god.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Later that day Cisco gets a call and emerges with wide eyes and shaking hands from the porch where he had taken the call.

 

“It's Barry,” Cisco says.

 

“Has something happened?” Harry asks, the knot of anxiety instantly pulling itself tighter. It had first appeared in his guts when Barry, Cisco and Caitlin had stood before him on Earth-2 and announced that they were going to help him save Jesse and he had thought, _great, now I have to take care of them, too._

 

“He's getting married,” Cisco says and sits down on a chair, looking like he is about to faint. “He's marrying Iris and he asked me to be his best man. He said they don't want to wait any longer.”

 

“But that's a good thing, isn't it?” Harry asks relieved.

 

“Harry,” Cisco says and looks at him with sheer panic. “What am I going to wear? Do I have to give a speech? Oh god, I cannot give a speech.”

 

Harry chuckles and crouches down next to Cisco. He takes Cisco's hands in his.

 

“Look at me, Cisco,” He says and waits until Cisco complies. “It's going to be okay. You're going to look great and they won't make you do a speech if you don't want to.”

 

“I want to-” Cisco says weakly. “But it has to be perfect. And they're getting married tomorrow. How am I supposed to write a perfect speech until tomorrow?”

 

“It's a long drive and you're a genius,” Harry says and presses his lips to Cisco's hands. “Calm down.”

 

Cisco takes a deep breath then he looks like something hit him.

 

“Wait a second. Since when are this Barry and Iris together? Or have they been?” He pulls his phone out of his pocket again to furiously type a message, presumably to Caitlin to get the latest STAR Labs gossip. “Fucking timelines. Together, not together. How am I supposed to remember anything. This is worse than any telenovela.” After he sent the message he lets the phone sink down with a defeated look in his eyes. “I should remember. I should remember my reality. What if I forget something important? What if I forget about you?” He looks at Harry.

 

“You won't,” Harry says. “I'm too annoying. Now stop panicking. It's like you're the one getting married tomorrow.”

 

They pack and get into the car. Harry throws a last lingering look to the house. It has only been a few days but he will probably never forget it. Cisco looks a bit melancholy, too. Harry drives and they fight over the music and Harry lets Cisco win so he can listen to him sing loudly and off-key to 'Bootylicious'. He frowns to hide his smile.

 

Cisco falls asleep after a while, head crookedly leaned against the window, and Harry soaks in the the calm before the storm that will be the next day. It hits him just how much he has appreciated to be alone with Cisco, to have his whole focused attention on him. He knows they could not have stayed in that house by the sea forever but he wishes they would have tried anyway.

 

When they arrive in Central City the night has already fallen. Harry drops Cisco off at his apartment. They kiss goodbye and Cisco lingers for a moment, forehead leaned against Harry's forehead. Harry's glasses are jammed uncomfortable between them but Harry does not care.

 

“See you tomorrow,” Cisco says. “Eleven at town hall, remember.”

 

“Yeah, I'll remember,” Harry says and presses another kiss to Cisco's lips. He should really leave, let Cisco get some rest. Cisco strokes his hand down Harry's cheek and rests it on his neck, leaving behind a tingling feeling in his skin. Harry kisses him one last time then pushes him away.

 

“Goodnight, Cisco.”

 

Cisco leaves the car reluctantly. Harry waits until he is inside the building before he leaves. At home he finds Jesse in the living room, snuggled up under a blanket on the couch watching a TV show. She grins at him and pauses the show.

 

“Hi, dad. How was the vacation?”

 

“It was good.” Harry drops his bag at the door and joins her on the couch. She puts her feet in his lap. “So good in fact that I'm not going to tell you about it.”

 

“Ugh, gross.” She pretends to throw up. “Please don't even insinuate something like that in front of me.”

 

“Sorry,” Harry chuckles.

 

“Anyway I bought you a suit for tomorrow because I'm a considerate daughter.”

 

“You're the best daughter,” Harry confirms.

 

The next day arrives and Harry puts on the suit, it is simple, black and a white dress shirt and he is really thankful that his daughter has done enough of their clothes shopping to know his size and taste. She comes out of her room in a short violet dress and it is one of those moments where Harry realizes how old his daughter has become. He hugs her teary-eyed and she sighs exasperated but hugs him back.

 

They arrive at town hall quarter to eleven. There is already a group of people standing on the sidewalk. Harry can spot Cisco talking to Barry who looks like he is going to vibrate out of his suit. Caitlin comes over and involves them in a conversation. After a minute Harry excuses himself and makes his way over to Cisco. He is wearing a metallic blue suit that glimmers in the sun and it is ridiculous and perfect.

 

“I told you so,” Harry says and Cisco turns to him with a wide smile and it feels like a spotlight being aimed directly at Harry.

 

“What did you tell me?” Cisco asks. They did not talk about how they want to proceed in public so Harry hesitates but it is like resisting the pull of a black hole: impossible. He leans down and Cisco meets him half-way for a kiss.

 

“I said you'll look great.” He says. Then he finally turns to Barry and shakes his hand. “Congratulations, Barry. Marriage is one of the hardest things I ever experienced in my life. But one of the best, too.”

 

“Uh, thanks,” Barry says and looks back and forth between Harry and Cisco. “I need to check on– something. I'm gonna leave you two to it.”

 

When Barry is gone Cisco turns to Harry and pets his own tie. “Your daughter got this for me.” It is the same violet as Jesse's dress.

 

“Shouldn't you color coordinate with me?” Harry frowns but Cisco just laughs and presses himself against Harry to kiss him again.

 

“How am I supposed to color coordinate with you when you only ever wear black?” He whispers between kisses. Harry hums against his lips. He hooks his fingers under Cisco's belt to pull him closer, deepening the kiss.

 

“Ugh, get a room,” Jesse says next to them. They part and Harry looks over to Jesse who smiles fondly.

 

“Nice tie,” She says to Cisco.

 

“Nice dress,” Cisco shoots back and takes Harry's hand without looking at him. The sun is already high in the sky and burning down on Harry's neck. A man approaches them.

 

“Are you the happy couple?” He asks. “I'm the photographer,” He adds and tries to offer them his hand without dropping one of his dozens bags he has slung over his shoulders or stuck under his arms.

 

“Well, we're not the ones getting married,” Cisco says, blushing. “The bride's groom is over there.” He points the man in the direction of Barry.

 

“I feel like I stepped into a rom com,” Harry whispers into Cisco's ear.

 

“That's just one of the perks of dating me,” Cisco says and bumps their shoulders together with an innocent smile. Harry looks at him speechless.

 

“Come on,” Cisco says and pulls him along. “It's starting.”

 

The ceremony is simple but good. Iris is a beautiful bride, being led into the room at Joe's arm who looks like he is going to start crying any second. She wears a plain white dress without any detailing and it emphasizes her natural beauty.

 

After they drive to the West's home. The garden behind the house is decorated with white lampions hanging in the trees that will later on when the dark has fallen over the wedding party look like they are floating above their heads, bathing everything in a soft light. It is the last warm night of the year, the drinks are plenty and the mood is cheerful. There are not many guest but Harry still does not know half of them. Not that he has the desire to mingle anyway. He prefers to sit at a table on the side of the garden and observe from there while Cisco and Jesse take turns sitting next to him whenever the party drifts them over there. Cisco gives his speech and it is heartwarming and funny of course and Barry hugs him tightly afterward. Then Joe says a few words and Cisco sits down next to Harry while Joe says:

 

“In times like these we have to accept love wherever we find it.”

 

Cisco kicks Harry's shin under the table and winks at him. It takes Harry every ounce of self-control not to pull Cisco over the table and eat him whole.

 

After the speech part of the evening is over some friends of Iris from college drag Cisco away to dance with them.

 

Jesse wanders back to Harry with a new beer for him and the cheese platter from the buffet which she sets down on the table between them.

 

“He makes friends fast,” She says with a look to Cisco teaching the group of girls interpretive dance moves.

 

“Talking about friends,” Harry says. “There is a person your age. You should talk to him.” He points to the newest addition of the West family, a young man called Wally.

 

“Are you implying I don't socialize enough,” She asks and scrapes some cheese from the platter.

 

“I'm just saying I used to worry more about you talking to boys.”

 

“No need to worry,” Jesse says with enough consideration in her voice for Harry to notice. She waits a beat than adds: “Not about boys.”

 

“Alright,” Harry says and smiles at her. His cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling so much today.

 

Jesse's eyebrows knit together and she smooth her hands down her dress. “I thought this would be- I don't know, not an issue obviously. But it felt more like A Thing before I said it out loud.”

 

“I know,” Harry says and takes her hand. She throws him a look somewhere between an eye-roll and a smile.

 

“I'm going to talk to the person my age now.” She squeezes his hand then gets up and makes her way over to Wally.

 

Harry gets up to stretch his legs. He walks out to the street, ducking away from a drunk Caitlin who sits with another young blonde and waves at him excitedly with a bottle of champagne in her hand. He looks up to the stars and he must be a bit drunk, too because he thinks some things about different star constellations and different possibilities in different universes that he would never be caught saying out loud. He turns and finds Cisco sitting on the steps to the porch. He has his eyes closed and leans against the railing. Harry watches him for a moment until his heart calms down to its normal rhythm.

 

“Cisco,” He says as he approaches. Cisco opens his eyes slowly and looks at him. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I'm-” Cisco rubs hands over his eyes. “I'm just exhausted. Like emotionally exhausted.”

 

“It's been a couple of days,” Harry confirms and sits down next to him. “You want to go home?”

 

“No,” Cisco says and leans against him. “Just chill for a minute.”

 

Harry puts his arm around him. Cisco sighs and drops one hand on Harry's knee. He can feel Cisco breathing, his chest rising and falling next to him, and after all the supernatural shit they went through this is so unashamed ordinary. Harry rarely feels thankful for his life, most of the days he is angry or resentful or a mix of these two at life in general. But right now he counts his blessings and thanks whoever is in charge and if it is chance or the gods of the speed force.

 

He notices that Cisco makes quiet sniffling noises and he looks down.

 

“Are you crying?”

 

“I'm just-” Cisco sniffs. “It's just a lot. There are a lot of vibes. Good vibes.” He turns his face into Harry's shirt. “I'm happy,” He mumbles.

 

Harry waits until Cisco's breath evens out and then asks: “How about we go back and I convince the DJ to play something that deserves to be called music and we have a dance?”

 

“You old sap,” Cisco says. “Don't threaten to kill the DJ, please.”

 

“Is that a yes?” Harry gets up and offers his hand to Cisco. Cisco, his eyes still a bit red from crying, takes it. They walk back in the garden together and Harry does not even have to threaten the DJ because there is already slow music playing, Barry and Iris swaying in the middle of the garden and a handful of other couples join them.

 

Harry uses their joined hands to pull Cisco close until they are chest to chest and puts his other hand on the small of his back. Cisco leans his head against his shoulder and lets Harry lead. Harry can see Jesse across the garden. She is next to Wally, apparently still talking to him but giving Harry a thumbs up over the distance. He leans his cheek against Cisco's head and closes his eyes. When he concentrates he can feel Cisco's heart beating.

 

Jesse is the one who drives them home when the party winds down because she is the only one who is not drunk. Harry sits in the back of the car with Cisco who looks possibly even better than at the start of the day, tie undone and shirt open to show his collarbones. Harry keeps himself under control for Jesse's sake but Cisco got one hand so far up his thigh it is proving to be real challenge. Cisco grins at him and the passing street lights dance over his face.

 

It is like breathing fresh air for the first time for years. And it is simple and right even when the road that led here was not easy at all. It feels bearable all of a sudden, everything.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And it is finished! This is the last part of this series. Wow. I'm kinda sad it's over but very happy it's finally out of my head and on "paper".   
> Writing this series was like having and raising a child, painful and hard, but with so many moments of joy and i'm kinda proud now and hope i didn't fuck up too much.
> 
> Titel from the song from Bonaparte. Epigraphs from Together - Patrick Wolf/ Collar Full - Panic At The Disco/ Undertow - Suzanne Vega.
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading and commenting!


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